T'was The Night Before Christmas

T'was the night before Christmas and all through the COP,
Not a Soldier was stirring, not even Top,
Oh, except for the Ugandans on guard in their towers,
And the Soldiers on the gunline, playing Xbox for hours,
I in my PT's and Smoke in his rack,
Had just settled down for another night in Iraq,
When all of a sudden there arose such a ruckus,
Whatever was wrong, I knew it would probably....
I burst out of my connex to see what was the matter,
When a pile of charred venison landed with a splatter,
"You killed Rudolph, you bastards!" Screamed a corpulent elf,
And I knew right away it was time to get help,
"Smoke!," I cried, "Santa's reindeer just exploded!"
"Oh, great," he said, "the gun wasn't supposed to be loaded,
"When I left they were practicing a dry-fire mission,"
"Oh, crap," I said, "can't wait for the 15-6 on this one!"
It seemed Santa's sleigh and the reindeer he was reigning,
Had just now given my Bravos some direct fire training,
I pulled out my claims card for consequence management,
And Smoke, in a low voice, offered optimistic sentiment,
"If you think about it, sir, it's good in a sense,
"We've done FA and Infantry, and now Air Defense!"
"Smoke, you're not helping," I said, as Santa started to twitch,
I could see he was thinking about where to cram the switch,
"I can't believe you jerks," Santa said in a fury,
"Rudolph was my only night-vision, and I'm in a hurry!"
"Santa," I said, as polite as could be,
"We'll figure this out at our FDC,"
"Please stay calm, and hold the switches and coal,
"I promise we'll find a way to get you out of this hole,"
We rushed to the AFATDS, to see what to do,
Me and Smoke, and Jolly Saint Nick too,
"I've got it," Smoke said, "I know how you can resume!
"Our guns will light your way, with coordinated illum!"
In two minute intervals M485 lit the night,
As Bravo Battery got Santa back in the fight,
"I'll let this one slide," he said, as he climbed on his sleigh,
"Just learn the difference between 'ready' and 'laid.'"
We watched his sleigh soar through the black desert sky,
And finally we breathed a sigh of relief, Smoke and I,
Santa's voice filled the air, over his sleigh bells' rattle,
"Merry Christmas to All, and All Hail the King of Battle!"