Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Ares, Why Hast Thou Forsaken Me?

*WARNING, THIS POST HAS LANGUAGE MANY CONSIDER UNSUITABLE FOR CHILDREN, ALTHOUGH NO ONE FOLLOWING THIS BLOG BESIDES US HAS CHILDREN, MY ASS (OOPS, THERE I GO ALREADY) IS NOW OFFICIALLY COVERED.

Yesterday was rough. My roomates got sick a few days ago and I started to dose myself with orange juice and used hand sanitizer every few minutes in hopes of avoiding their fate. I thought I had actually manged it too for a second because both of them started to feel better a couple days ago and I wasn't down with anything- until yesterday when a full out flu assaulted my entire system, giving me a head pounding fever, body ache, upset stomach, the full meal deal.

I'm feeling slightly more human after thirteen hours sleep, six bottles of water and four advil. But that wasn't the worst part, oh no, a little flu bug is nothing compared to the news I got yesterday. I found out what my new job is going to be on staff.

I'm the Public-Fucking-Affairs-Officer. No shit. I'm a goddamn newsletter-writing media handling MOTHERFUCKING PAO! GODDAMN IT ALL TO HELL! This job combines the worst of everything. I will answer directly to the XO, I will work my ass off coaxing stories out of that which can be unclassified- now to tell the truth, that which IS classified (at least at my level) is boring as all hell. What the fuck interesting is there to write about shit that ISN'T classified? Oh, and since it's not directly involved with real operations, I will be an extraneous nuisance with a generic OER and little respect from anyone in the battalion, especially myself. Fuck. Fuck. FUCK!

Sigh.

Lord (the real God, not the metaphorical Greek mythological figure), give me strength and, perhaps most importatnly, patience to rise above. I know it's not that tragic and that it's not going to fucking matter when I get to my next post, but if I was listing possible assignments I DID NOT want, PAO would probably be the first one I thought of.

Fuck.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

TANSTAFL

Who is my favorite author?

Michele will get this right in one. Some of you might remember. I admit it's not an easy question because I'm rarely to be found without one book or another in my hand and no one, not even me, can recall the name of every author whose material I've read. This one, though, is special. I converted to Christianity four years ago at the age of twenty-one and have, since then, tried to live my life according to the tennets of my religion with varying degrees of success. This author I have been reading since I was eight years old and loved both his stories and his philosophy since before I hit puberty.

Robert Anson Heinlein was born in Missouri in the early part of last century. His accomplishments are too numerous to note but he was most well known for his social-science fiction. His novels were noted for having (for the time) good hard science underpinnings and challenging social commentary on a variety of issues but perhaps most of all- a strong libertarian bent.

I'm reading one of his best-loved novels right now, a book called The Moon Is a Harsh Mistress. The novel's plot revolves around the revolt of a former penal colony on Luna and the establishment of a state on our moon. One of the primary characters is a spritely old revolutionary named Professor Bernardo de LaPaz. GREAT character; devlish old man professors are Heinlein's great archetype even beyond the cornucopia of intelligent, desirable and heroic women he writes (he had a thing for redheads, something I definitely share!).

Yes, Michele, you are a freaking redhead, quit arguing with me.

Anyway, Bernardo de LaPaz is, like Professor DuBois, Jubal Harshaw and other characters in that vein, an outlet for many philosophies that Heinlein either held or felt were worthy of serious consideration. De LaPaz throughout the book professes the philosophy of rational anarchy. That is that he recognizes the disease of government is unavoidable and necessary to create a livable environment but should be kept starved and inefficient in order to avoid oppressive government.

I have held this general principle dear for many years now. I do believe that with regard to domestic affairs the government should interfere as little as possible. Ford and the other American auto-makers are going bankrupt. It's a fact, I'm sorry for the workers who are employed by them but the fact is that they make inferior products in nearly every respect and do not charge any less for them. This effort to bail them out is purely propaganda- doomed to fail with littel to no real economic benefit. Thus it is with just about all government economic intervention.

That being said, de LaPaz tries to illegalize involuntary taxation in the founding of the nation on the moon. He makes several very good arguments against the precedent of taxes, but doesn't answer one question. Who pays for defense?

I think Robert was a little in love with the concept of Citizen Soldiers (he is postively SCATHING in his criticism of conscription) and rallying around the flag when it comes time for war. Of course everyone will rally to their naiton's call in time of war, right? Right? Guys.... guys? Hey, where is everybody? Oh, that's right, they're mostly in college, smoking weed and playing Xbox, because our society is degenerate.

Yeah. I wish this principle were workable, oh God how I wish it were. But it's not. A society, even one as weak and decadent as modern day America, can usually produce the bare minimum number of warm bodies even in a volunteer military to provide for the national defense, but asking the populace to willingly part with their money to address threats that aren't blatantly staring them in the face? HA.

And the concept of Citizen Soldiers, in terms of calling up reservists and other-than-professional soldiers is nearly worthless in modern terms. Yep. Worthless. Oh, we use Guard and Reserve on deployment and I truly honor their service as much as anyone else's, but we have to put them through months of training before they are useful and even then it's understood they're almost never of comparable quality to an average regular Army formation. This is not an insult to the valor, patriotism or even martial skill of any individual within the Guard or Reserve but a true statement as to the inherent nature of part-time units.

There is nothing more expensive than the second best Army in the world. I don't remember who said it, but I'll take it as an axiom. Heinlein's assumptions would work in a society where everyone was like him, intelligent, courageous and patriotic. Willing to put aside whatever personal desires they might have and join the military any time their nation went to war, AND bright and determined enough to learn to be good, even elite, at whatever the military asked of them in a very short amount of time.

Since most of my countrymen do NOT fit that description, and no one truly wants a conscript army back, that means long-service volunteers, solely focused (professionally speaking) on waging war in all its myriad forms, and I do pray that this war has shown the institution for once and for all just how wildly varied war can be, though I doubt it in the long run. This means money for pay, training, equipment and maintenance (in that order I might add), even and perhaps for my purposes ESPECIALLY in times of peace.

Heinlein, through de LaPaz, says that people should not be forced to pay for things they don't want. This makes the rational-actor assumption. That if people want to be defended from the barbarian hordes, they'll pay for it. I think the current economic crisis more than highlights the fact that people do NOT act rationally when it comes to money. Anybody dumb enough to sign a variable-rate loan cannot be trusted with any mature adult decision, ergo, not someone to decide on the defense of the nation.

Well, then isn't that what they deserve? I mean if they're not willing to pay the price, shouldn't they get overrun by the barbarians?

Sure, except for that America is the best place on the planet and will be the last bastion of civilization to fall. Europe is already doomed (demography is destiny). So if we make taxes optional and let people "get what they deserve," that equation ends two or three generations from now with anyone who hasn't converted paying the dhimma and our great grand-daughters as "temporary wives" (for those of you unfamiliar with Islam's more charming tennets that last may be translated as whore or rape victim, depending on circumstance) for whatever shiek notices them first. Since space travel is disgustingly underdevoloped and if America falls Israel will be a smoking wasteland the day after, that leave nowhere to run except maybe Red China or (possibly) Japan and I don't think that a) I would want to live in either of those places and b) they will be taking too many refugees.

Don't believe in the threat? Come over here and say it to my face, jackass. You can find me on the eastern bank of the Southern Euphrates. No, not all Mulsims are evil, the MAJORITY are NOT evil. Doesn't matter. Most Germans weren't evil in 1939, most Southerners weren't evil in 1860, etc. etc. It was still necessary to go to war and not to fiddle around about WHO the enemy was when we knew damn well who they were.

The threat is real. Those fundamentalists who would see our very cutlure destroyed will not be placated by foreign aid and appeals to mutual-understanding. They do not believe in cultural relativisim, even though their allies in our own media and political system do. (Note: no violation of Article 88: I didn't mention a specific official, make your own assumptions). And if the populace of the Islamic world is unwilling to turn on those fundamentlists they will be shields, and then cannon fodder for those selfsame terrorists. I've seen it in micro here, you'll see it in macro if they are allowed to survive and grow unchecked.

So, painful as it is for me to disagree with a man I've admired since childhood; that money needs to be collected whether the people feel like it or not. I would support a tax-exemption for service. That seems just, people who have paid, or at least risked paying, in blood for the defense of their nation need not pay in cash anymore. Oh, that idea pisses people off, damn veterans getting off an a free ride just because they...oh, yeah, allow the continued existence of your entire way of life. Yeah.

Okay, I'm about out of steam. I think this concludes today's rant. I hope you've enjoyed.

Friday, December 26, 2008

Captain Watson, You are Hereby Sentenced to Serve the Remainder of Your Tour on Battalion Staff...

Yep. It's official, after having fought the good fight and stayed at the battery level for the first three and a half years of my career I am now being pulled, kicking and screaming, into my first staff assignment. I don't know which S-Shop I'm getting yet but in any event it's the end of an era. I am become Power Point Monkey, waster of time.

Ah, well. I wasn't really doing much here anyway, maybe now the tour will start going faster because I'll be working my tail off. They say suffering is good for the soul.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

The Christmas Pyramid



If Ramses had been more interested in Holiday Cheer, this is what the pyramids might have looked like.

My wife spoils me in general, but when I'm not around it's even more pronounced because I'm not leaving my boots in the hallway or forgetting to do the dishes and all she remembers about me is the good stuff. That's why you will count no less than thirteen presents in that stack- from my wife alone. It's a good thing I didn't get any from anyone else because I already have more than both of my roommates combined and I feel a little embarassed- but not embarassed enough to give any away.

It looks like mostly books and movies, two of my favorite things. I'll be back tomorrow with a report on my haul :)

Hope everyone else is having a Merry Christmas!

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

T'was The Night Before Christmas

T'was the night before Christmas and all through the COP,
Not a Soldier was stirring, not even Top,
Oh, except for the Ugandans on guard in their towers,
And the Soldiers on the gunline, playing Xbox for hours,
I in my PT's and Smoke in his rack,
Had just settled down for another night in Iraq,
When all of a sudden there arose such a ruckus,
Whatever was wrong, I knew it would probably....
I burst out of my connex to see what was the matter,
When a pile of charred venison landed with a splatter,
"You killed Rudolph, you bastards!" Screamed a corpulent elf,
And I knew right away it was time to get help,
"Smoke!," I cried, "Santa's reindeer just exploded!"
"Oh, great," he said, "the gun wasn't supposed to be loaded,
"When I left they were practicing a dry-fire mission,"
"Oh, crap," I said, "can't wait for the 15-6 on this one!"
It seemed Santa's sleigh and the reindeer he was reigning,
Had just now given my Bravos some direct fire training,
I pulled out my claims card for consequence management,
And Smoke, in a low voice, offered optimistic sentiment,
"If you think about it, sir, it's good in a sense,
"We've done FA and Infantry, and now Air Defense!"
"Smoke, you're not helping," I said, as Santa started to twitch,
I could see he was thinking about where to cram the switch,
"I can't believe you jerks," Santa said in a fury,
"Rudolph was my only night-vision, and I'm in a hurry!"
"Santa," I said, as polite as could be,
"We'll figure this out at our FDC,"
"Please stay calm, and hold the switches and coal,
"I promise we'll find a way to get you out of this hole,"
We rushed to the AFATDS, to see what to do,
Me and Smoke, and Jolly Saint Nick too,
"I've got it," Smoke said, "I know how you can resume!
"Our guns will light your way, with coordinated illum!"
In two minute intervals M485 lit the night,
As Bravo Battery got Santa back in the fight,
"I'll let this one slide," he said, as he climbed on his sleigh,
"Just learn the difference between 'ready' and 'laid.'"
We watched his sleigh soar through the black desert sky,
And finally we breathed a sigh of relief, Smoke and I,
Santa's voice filled the air, over his sleigh bells' rattle,
"Merry Christmas to All, and All Hail the King of Battle!"

Monday, December 22, 2008

What I Will Miss Most About Europe...

I miss my family so much that I literally avoid thinking about how much I miss them. Oh, I don't cut them out at all! I think about my wife and daughter all the time, it's just that when I start getting maudlin about it I have a little trick. I think about something I miss that's inconsequential and won't fling me into depression but that I nonetheless crave, albeit nowhere near as much as I crave the company of my wife and daughter.


Sometimes it's a favorite food, or maybe a piece of furniture I like to sit or lay on, but most of the time when I need to distract my self I think of a beverage of which I've become quite fond-


BEER!
























That's right. Beer, nectar of the freaking gods! Especially here in Europe. Oh it comes in all varieties from light golden ale to syrup-thick black stout and I love it all!



Now, being the responsible young man I am, I must say that I do not take alcoholosim lightly at all. I had a soldier die of alcohol poisoning and I don't approve of binge drinking (that impressive collection around my kitchen sink was the combined effort of me and my buddies; Stacy, Kellen and Jake).

Since Michele and I arrived in Europe we've found several things to enjoy but in all honesty the one thing we will legitimately miss when we get back to the states is some of the culinary achievements of this continent, including the libations!


Top left you see me holding an Oktoberfest brew from Munich (Munchen). Unfortunately illness and work just made going to Oktoberfest in person impossible but fortunately some of the special Oktoberfest brew was available right there in Baumholder. It was an awesome amber-grainy beer- very smooth, medium strength.


Bottom right are me and my homeboy Kellen Blythe at a unit function availing ourselves of a fine Erdinger Dunkel beer, mmmmm, so smooth it's almost syrupy but with a definite hint of barley. LOVE it.


To me, beer isn't about getting hammered, although there's nothing wrong with a little buzz now and then. Beer is about camaraderie and friendship. It's about the celebration of life, and remembrance. Whenever I lift a glass with my bretheren, the first drink is always to absent comrades, the rest are to good times and great taste. Once you've become accustomed to the stuff they've got here in Europe, specifically Belgium and Germany, Killian's is the LEAST you will settle for.


So here's to beer! The next time you raise your glass or bottle, savor it for those who are cutoff in a dry and thirsty country.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Yeah, I Started One Too...

Welcome, friends, to the inaugural post of Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, the latest and greatest time-waster of your humble servant, me. As anyone liable to read this will probably know (but I'm going to announce anyway) I am in month eight of a fifteen month tour in Iraq and it is starting to drrraaaggggg. Do not misunderstand me, I am very pleased with the progress of the war at this point, but the new hands-off approach leaves many of us with a LOT of time on our hands.

So I'm going to expend some of that time by throwing my rants out there onto the ether for my friends and family, and passerby to peruse at their liesure. I'm terrible at taking pictures, but I'll see what I can do about getting some of those up as well. Do not expect dramatic combat-camera pics, this is, thankfully, the most boring combat tour in history. I sincerely hope it stays that way.

"You just said your life in Iraq is boring. Why, then, Justin, should we expend precious time reading this blog?"

Because if you've gotten this far you are almost certainly one of the following people; my wife Michele, Kellen or Julia(okay, doubtful that Julia will show up, but I concede the possiblity), Eric, Jake, Stacy, Joe or Tucker. If you are one of the aforementioned, or another friend who will undoubtedly take me to task for forgetting you, then you should read because you love me and it will make me feel good to know that you care enough to wade through my latest rambling discourse on the subject du jour (Michele, check my French spelling on that).

"Dude I stumbled onto this by accident or linked from your Baen's Bar account and I'm losing interest fast, why should I keep reading?"

Because I'm intelligent, funny, charming and insightful. It says so right on the label!

If you like science fiction, I'm almost guaranteed to talk about that regularly. If you like military history, I'm going to discuss that frequently too. I have been obssessed with the study of warfare since I started elementary school. In addition to talking about science fiction that is already out there I am also an aspiring (nice word for frustrated) science fiction author. I won't post any of my writing directly onto the blog on the off-chance that it might be saleable, but I will talk about writing and books a lot as well. I welcome discussion from similarly interested individuals.

Note to friends: I don't care if you like those things, you still have to read, so there.

Finally, if you like immature humor and stories of America's finest young men and women, the soldiers I have the incalculable honor of leading, doing HILARIOUS stuff on occasion, that will be here from time to time too as events occur.

Of course that's the good. The bad is that I reserve the right to philosophize rant, on rare occasions, on things that royally piss me off. I despise, amongst other things, transnational progressivism (google Tom Kratman or John Ringo for detailed indictments of that particular trend), cultural relativisim in many, although admittedly not all, of its forms and American self-hatred. If you are a great fan of or heavily indulge in any of these concepts or their close relatives, I've got nothing for you.

"Who the hell are you?"

Well, there's my profile, which I will fill out very soon, but the salient facts are that I am a 25 year old United States Army Field Artillery Officer. I have a wife, Michele, and baby daughter, Evelyn, who are the foundation of my entire existence. I am an unapologetic Christian and Patriot, though I readily admit you can certainly be one without the other. Like most professional soldiers I have a love-hate relationship with my job and I am a HUGE NERD. I love science fiction, fantasy, history, science and Marvel Comics from the '80s and '90s. If it's past the Onlsaught plotline in X-Men, I haven't read it.

That'll do it for now. Tune in later for some less introductory material.

You stay classy... Planet Earth.